The other day someone told me that marriages and relationships are not the way they used to be,and I agree!The traditional structure of family and how people soldiered on peacefully with very rare cases of divorce and drama is long gone.
In our African tradition, the society has expectations from every married couple, upto the individual level.The pyramid has been squeezed to fit onto the shrine of society such that every step you take echoes to its hands.If you are not strong enough,you may end up in darkness.
For instance,if you felt that your marriage is not working,you are not supposed to leave,so says society.You are supposed to pray harder,and learn not to provoke each other.But what about your person? your soul? your purpose? Its all washed down in the well of guilt,fear and disillusionment.
If you happen to be unmarried at the age of 30, you are prone to suffer ridicule and judgement from the society.Your purpose blurrs and you can't even see the light at the end of the tunnel.You console yourself that you are a superwoman or man and that you don't care what people think.But when you go to bed,you turn for hours as you wonder what your future holds.
Well,single mums are not spared either.The fangs of society mark them as "unread".As in,the chapters of life as a single mum are viewed as tinted and old,dirty and bitter.We fail to see the strength in their scars,the courage in their decisions,the love for their children,the hardwork they put to provide and protect their kids!I think that single mums are the strongest humans, they walked away from abusive relationships,from unworthy people,from boring and draining marriages,from irresponsible behaviour and so forth.Society should crown them,instead of adding salt to their injuries.
Joblessness too has dug too deep into the society.Housewives are suffering depression,they are held hostage by their marriages and the lack of job opportunities. Worst still,this has made it difficult for them to leave when they are wronged by their spouses.They are left with no choice but to submit and keep hoping for a better tomorrow.
What about the childless married couple? The woman faces the full wrath of the society. She is perceived to be less of a woman,and that her path is cursed.Her years become darker as society becomes more relevant.She finally gives up and starts blaming herself,checking her background for answers,the doctors for remedies and her dreams to become a mother start sliding under her fantasy.
The other day I was at a funeral.Ann(not her real name) was married with her 2 year old daughter but failed to conceive for her new husband. After three years of marriage,she told the hubby that he should marry a second wife to bear him children for she had noticed how much he loved children and just wanted him to be happy.But instead of the hubby marrying in a respectable way, he went ahead and had a mpango wa kando,and did not tell the wife but she came to know of it .Unfortunately,whenever she needed money to go shopping,she was told to go and ask the other woman,since he had put up a kiosk for her.Ann,being a housewife had no choice! After some months,ann became so stressed and hopeless.She woke up one day,cleaned the house in every corner,put new sheets on the bed and rearranged most stuff.She then sent her daughter to go and fetch something from the shop.Ann then took a rope and hang herself.This actually happened in November last year.The other woman did not conceive,word has it that the man is impotent. May her young soul rest in eternal peace.
So my question is,how do you handle your imperfections?or that situation you are in and which is ofcourse not your fault. In my opinion,we should all accept the things that we can't control and wear them as badges. That is who you are,and it's from that situation that you draw your strength and optimism. Without this challenges,we are nothing.We would be just a puff of unspirited and unpurposed humans.
Its time to rewrite your story.Start by telling yourself nice things, be a little more nice to yourself.Tell yourself that you are beautiful,that you are one hell of a human.Tell yourself that you are worthy of being loved and treated right,that you are queen,ruling her own queendom.Once you tell yourself such nice things,no hurt will be able to penetrate your heart,you will be able to sail through the storms of life and before you know it, you will be a different person.
Apparently,we give other people too much power over our lives.They determine how we live,how we are supposed to live or how we interact with the world. What are you scared of?? Do what you think is right for you.Things we deserve and want must be scary, but once you take a leap of faith,you become a conqueror.You must survive,you must win.You must fulfil your purpose in this life.You are alive so that you can be more of yourself than you are now.
GOODLUCK AND GOD BLESS!!
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